My Eyes ache. I may have read too much.

It's 1:49am and I finally got the kids to bed. A 4 & 2 year old. Oy Vey.

I've been spending the last 2 weeks on a internet, media, social network sabbatical. Yes. I realize I'm borderline insane.

Due to me retiring the boob tube & phone, internet super highway for awhile, I've been reading.
About everything.

Love. High calling. Self esteem.
Self Help. The Secret, a Murder mystery and living religiously by my Oprah Magazines.

After all this, I realized that no matter how many articles about ones "True calling" or "Visualizing your Higher Self" I can't help but on be inspired for only minutes to maybe an hour or 2 at a time.

How is that?
Why is it that it's so difficult to stay inspired?
Is it the noodles being throw across the room after reading a Dhali Lama quote that throw off my inner guru?

How do you stay inspired?
How do you continue to believe in yourself and your dreams constantly?

I'm not sure. I become inspired for moments at a time.

But I read about people with no legs or who have survived disasters, that swim across oceans & start organizations to save jungles and urban communities.

How do they do it? Do they have some kinda of Jiminey Cricket type voice in their head that encourages them?

After reading all these books and articles, i can't help but think that maybe I lack the self-belief these people have.

Short term that's the way Most are cursed to think.

If they try & visualize their higher self, most people expect the muscles and Ferrari within the month.

But these books I read say to not think like that, they tell you visualize yourself in 1 year, 5 years or ten.

See that's damn near impossible for me, even though I'm young in age I'm old in every other form.

Now I'm married, 3 years in.
With 2 small kids and a 3rd on the way. In a new condo in the suburbs.

5 years ago, I was in the midst stagnant boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship that dragged on for too long.
Where he wasn't willing to grow up & I wasn't willing to give up.
That ended in quickie wedding to "repair" our relationship.
And a quickier divorce.

10 years ago, I was 15.
Freshman in high school.
Wide eyed and bushy tailed.
Thinking I was going to become a ballerina or a gynecologist. Lol.

I think the reason people can't see themselves in the the long term, higher power self is because Life is so damn unexpected.

How am I suppose to imagine myself as a smarter, older, richer, more Oprah like self? if 5 years ago I would never figured how I ended up here.

Trying to find your Inner chi or guru millionaire or Yogi is quite difficult when your life consists of bad hair cuts & picking out what vegetables to convince the kids to eat this week.

Will more reading help?
Possibly.

But for now my eyes hurt,
and I may have read too much.

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